


as safe as I can keep you

by SaraJaye



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Implied Past Abuse, Implied Violence, M/M, Nightmares, Niles's fucked up past, Worried Leo, angsty cuddling, implied past sexual assault
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-11
Updated: 2016-11-11
Packaged: 2018-08-30 08:06:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8525296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaraJaye/pseuds/SaraJaye
Summary: On the nights when Niles awakens in a cold sweat, looking as though he's in great pain, there's so little Leo can do for him.





	

There's still so much he doesn't know about Niles. He met the man at his lowest moment, took him in out of a fascination that blossomed into a friendship, and then so much more. Leo trusts this man with his life, his body, his heart, but while he knows Niles loves him it's hard to gague his level of trust. He's an easily agitated man, Leo is the only person he doesn't snap at or threaten to hurt if he asks the wrong questions. He won't let Leo see him without his eyepatch, makes him turn away when he washes his face in the mornings.

Some nights, Niles will wake up in a cold sweat, shivering and biting back screams, as though he were in some great pain. Leo holds his hand and strokes his face until he calms down, asks if Niles needs to talk about it. The answer is always no.

It's frustrating at times, not because Leo feels entitled to know his lover's every secret, but because Niles is _suffering_ and this is all he can do to help. Talking about it could make Niles feel better, or it could make things worse.

There's no moon tonight, it's cloudy and raining. Niles is tossing in his sleep, murmuring _stop, don't, get off me you bastard stay away from me_ and Leo gently touches his face, trying to rouse him as gently as he can.

"You're here with me, Niles. Whatever's in your dreams, it's not real...you're safe, I promise." It works, but Leo can see tear tracks on his face even in the dark. "Niles..."

"I always see them," Niles murmurs, and Leo blinks. "I still feel it, even now..."

"It's okay, Niles, you don't have to-"

"No, I..." Niles sighs, curling into Leo, his breathing ragged. "I have such fuzzy memories of the past, and when I do remember anything, it's...unpleasant." And Leo nods, his arms gathering Niles close.

"I can imagine." He can't, really, but Niles doesn't call him on it.

"There's blood, searing pain, I feel hands grabbing me everywhere. Touching me, evil grins..." He shakes his head. "There's a reason I tried to hold back the first time I fucked you. You're the one person I never wanted to feel that kind of pain." And Leo shudders, he doesn't even need an elaboration. He holds Niles more tightly, burying his face in his hair. He can't even begin to imagine such things, nothing he could say would erase the pain, the degredation, the abuse.

"And you know what's really fucked up?" Niles continues. "None of that wrecked me as bad as that night. Being thrown away like that, just like my parents did." His voice hitches. "If anyone but you had found me, Leo..." There's dampness on the sleeve of Leo's nightshirt and for a moment Leo feels awkward, still unaccustomed to displaying such tenderness. But he cradles Niles close to his chest, stroking his back, letting him cry.

 _You'll be okay,_ he wants to say, but how can he promise that? Niles is not okay, he's broken, he wanted to die until Leo took him in as his retainer. Leo can help him move forward and show him as much love as he needs, but it's not a magic cure, especially given how awkward Leo can be at times.

"I'm not going anywhere," he murmurs. It's the only thing he can think to say right now, but Niles is slowly beginning to relax, curling further into the embrace.

"I know."

"And...you're safe here, now."

Niles nods slightly against his shoulder.

"I know."

Leo brushes his lips to Niles's forehead, smoothing his hair a little. Niles makes a soft noise, closes his eye and soon he's falling back to sleep.

Leo can't take away the nightmares or vanquish the ghosts of Niles's past, but he can be there if they come back. It's all he can do, and he will not fail the one he loves.

Niles rests, his hand sleepily clutching Leo's nightshirt. Leo closes his eyes, placing his hand over his lover's, lacing their fingers together.

_I want you to be okay._


End file.
